Anna, why are you such a huge fan of the Goo Goo Dolls?

When I was a kid, a young kid, I had a pretty great family life. My dad worked his ass off running his company and doing odd jobs whenever he could find them in the 80's. I never went without even though my mom was a stay-at-home and we where in a recession. When he wasn't working dad was taking me on bike rides on the river trail, taking me fishing, taking all of us camping and building me and my sister doll house furniture. My mom and I had a great relationship and spent a lot of time together. We would go out on lunch dates, she took me to musicals at Music Circus, endless trips to McKinley park, dance lessons, swim lessons, ice cream at Gunther's, she was my campfire leader and she was always the mom with the most classroom hours at the end of the school year. I had a very close relationship my aunt even though she always lived out of state and I had the love and support from my grandparents and other extended family members. I had an amazing childhood but somewhere along the way it slowly started to fall apart. 

When I was ten my parents split up and life was never the same again. My mother had made some new friends in our neighborhood and soon became a party mom. Her drug use which had been minimal in the past became a recreational activity and eventually became the focus of her life. That left my sister and me to fend for ourselves. I'm older by five years so I stepped up and made sure we had dinner every night, got our homework done and tucked my sister into bed while mom was "at the store" for hours. Once my sister was in bed I would wait up and make sure mom got home okay. As soon as I saw her pull up to our house I would quietly go to bed. 

Middle school is a time for kids to explore different sides of their personality and for exploring who they want to be. I was struggling. I didn't think I had a personality and was afraid of the person I might be. After all, if my mother had given up on me I didn't have much chance of being a likable and lovable person. At that time I didn't understand that addiction was an illness and had nothing to do with me. I tried to do really well in school thinking that maybe that would make my mother proud and me worthy of her affection. After middle school I became obsessed with my grades. It was the only part of my life I had control over so I put everything I had into them. My grades continued to get better and I eventually graduated high school with a 4.0.

I didn't talk about my life with anyone. Looking back, I don't remember being embarrassed or fearing judgment from others so I don't think that's why I never talked about what was going on. I think being away from home was a welcome break from the stress and gave me the opportunity to be a kid so I kept my two lives separate. My best friend didn't even know. We have been very close since we were in the fourth grade and had spent lots of time at each other's houses. Back then our household dysfunction wasn't yet obviouse to the casual visitor. In the last few years I have shared more of my story with her and anyone else who asks and she's always surprised by what my reality was. 

In 1995 I was in the eighth grade and I spent a lot of time in my room listening to music. My tastes were changing and I was listening to less of the R&B I grew up with, and that my mother still listened to, and more rock. One day I heard a song titled "Name" by the Goo Goo Dolls and it quickly became my favorite. As soon as I got paid (I worked as an assistant at a family child care home) I went out and got their album, "A Boy Named Goo" and listened to it nonstop when I was home. When my mother was out of the house, which was frequently, I would turn up the volume as high as I could stand and listen to it while laying on my floor. The vibrations in my chest was comforting to me and I identified with the songs "Name" and "Naked".  They aren't uplifting songs by any means but they made me feel less alone. Like I had some kind of connection. Music is like that.

The next few years (my first two years of high school) got worse but then, life changed again and, things got better. I wasn't as alone as I thought I was. When I was dealing with my demons there where people who loved me and cared about me trying to make things better without making anything worse. This might not make much sense right now but someday I'll write about the next chapter in my life and where these people were when I was fourteen and fifteen and the pieces will start to fit together. 

Throughout the changes life thew at me the Goo Goo Dolls became a constant and continued to be a source of comfort and connection. "Name" isn't my favorite anymore, the Goos have released five albums since then, (not counting the greatest hits, teasers and concert disks, and yes, I have them ALL) but when I hear "Name" live I get misty eyed. Not because of the hardships and not-so-good memories but because it reminds me that I'm resilient and comfort can be found even at the worst of times.  

And that's how I became obsessed with the Goo Goo Dolls :)

Running of the Elk wrap up and Acupuncture

Last Wednesday I went to my Team Mermaid workout and did a total of four miles. The next three days I paid for it dearly. The plantar fasciitis in my left foot was making itself known and I was getting very concerned about my half marathon the following Sunday. I had decided that I would take it easy and even walk the 13.1 miles if I needed to.

I had been excited for this race but dreading it at the same time. Excited because it would be my first event in my new shoes and I had about three weeks to recover from my last half. Dreading because over those three weeks I had been ill and got almost no training done. If you have been following this blog then you know all about my training troubles.

On race day my foot was bothering me during the drive from my home in the Arden area all the way to Elk Grove. I took that as a reminder to just enjoy the day and not worry about anything else. I spend the 45 minutes before the race walking loops around the expo. At first it was to see what venders where out but then it was just to keep warm and loose. Walking expo loops can get boring. But the Nissan booth and a Quest (Nissan's minivan) out there. I have been wanting one for a long time and I really like their new body style so it was pretty awesome to get an up close look at it.

Side note: We are a Nissan family. Over the course of our relationship Jeremy and I have owned five Nissan's. When I first met Jeremy (I was in high school) he had a Frontier. After Samantha was born we got a Sentra (in heat wave), after Nevyn was born we got another Sentra. Not long after that Jeremy got a Maxima and he now has a 370 Z.

Back to race day. I remembered my watch this time so I was better able to run/walk my 30 second splits. This was great I finished the first 5K in 37 minutes, a really good time for me. Unfortunately, because I wasn't as conditioned as I would have liked to be I wasn't able to keep up that pace for the entire race. As the miles went on I got more and more tired and had to take more walking breaks but that's okay. I finished the race in 3:18:12, not bad considering I hadn't been training. Even better, the next day my foot had not hurt as bad as I thought it would. In fact, I was able to walk almost normally on it.

On Monday I had my first acupuncture appointment. I was amazed by the initial results. After he placed five needles in my hand he had me walk around. My foot felt instantly better. I could still feel the stretching of the plantar fascia but it didn't cause pain in my heal. It's been two days since my treatment. Some pain did come back later that day and the next morning but I have been walking better. I'm interested to see how I'll feel after my Mermaid workout this evening. He's not sure yet how many treatments it will take to heal my condition. When I tell him how long the initial treatment lasted he'll have a better idea on the whole picture. I'm optimistic! I just wish insurance covered more of the treatment. They will only cover 80% or $25 (so, $20) and the treatment are about $105 so it's actually more cost effective to pay out of pocket. They charge $65 of you have insurance but pay on your own.

My next event is the Zoo Zoom this up coming Sunday. I'm doing the 5K and I'm super excited about it! I'm treating it like a fun run. I'm going to go all out, give it everything i have and have fun! It'll be a no stress run :)

Shamrock'n wrap up

Okay, I know this is very late but I just haven't been in the blogging mood. I've been a little stressed out. I seem to have a new ailment every week and every weekend I've been stuck in bed so my training is suffering and as a result, so are my race times. I know I said from the beginning of this crazy 13 in '13 goal that I wasn't going to stress on times this year since I have so many half of marathons on my race schedule but three hours is ridicules! So my little illness depression has made it harder for me to get on here and blog.

The day of the Shamrock'n half was a great day for or a run. The sun was shinning, it was a little cold at the start but not bad. The volunteers where great, the crowds or people cheering us on where great but I did not have a great race. Let me rewind to the weekend before this event. It was the Lucky Run half and around mile 9 my feet were killing me. That familiar feeling you get when you have exceeded the amount of miles your shoes where intended for. If you're not runner you may never experience this feeling so I'll explain what it feels like for me. My feet start to feel achy and sore at the same time and usually start to rub raw in places they have never rubbed raw in before. So the last four miles of that event where not good. I actually had to walk most of it. It was pretty obviously I needed new shoes. However, I had this event the next weekend and I didn't think I would have enough time to break in a new pair of shoes. This whole situation is every familiar to me. I ran the Shamrock'n in bran new shoes last year for the same reason and I was miserable for the entire race. I chose to wear the old shoes this year. It was painful but looking back I would have made the same choice. The next day I went down to Fleet Feet and got some new kicks and I am so excited to run my next event in them!

If I choose to run this again next year I need to remember to get new shoes in late January or early February. It would be awesome to come running around the warning track at Raley Field not feeling like I just shot myself in both feet.

Now for the medical crap. The week before the Shamrock'n half I was diagnosed with MRSA. If you don't know what that is don't feel bad, I didn't know either. This is what WebMD said:

Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) is a bacterium that causes infections in different parts of the body. It's tougher to treat than most strains of staphylococcus aureus -- or staph -- because it's resistant to some commonly used antibiotics.

The symptoms of MRSA depend on where you're infected. Most often, it causes mild infections on the skin, like sores or boils. But it can also cause more serious skin infections or infect surgical wounds, the bloodstream, the lungs, or the urinary tract.

Though most MRSA infections aren't serious, some can be life-threatening. Many public health experts are alarmed by the spread of tough strains of MRSA. Because it's hard to treat, MRSA is sometimes called a "super bug."

I was on a round of two antibiotics, eye drops and ointment. It sucked! And it sucked all my energy. Like it's not hard enough to get moving after a twelve hour workday and chores and feeding the family. But it's all gone now.

Now I'm getting ready for the Running of the Elk half. It'll be this Sunday and yesterday I had a root canal. Over the weekend and half of last week I missed all my workouts because of an infection in a broken molar. I'll be finishing up yet another round of antibiotics tomorrow. I really hope this is it for a while. It would be nice to get some training in and have a respectable race time. Is that asking for too much? I don't think so.

Lucky Run Wrap Up & Team Mermaid, Sacramento

Half marathon #2 is in the bag. This was the first time I ran the Lucky Run in Davis. It was a beautiful day for an event (I could have done without the wind) and everyone I came across was in great spirits. I've never had a bad experience with race day volunteers but the folks at this event was among I the best ever! They help motivate and everyone of them had a smile on their face.

This was a challenging race for me. My right hamstring with bothering me before I even started and I had forgotten my watch at home. This meant I didn't have a timer to run my usual 30 second walk/run intervals. So instead I ran till I was tired and walked till I felt recovered. This was great, at first. I was running longer than I usually do but I wore out my feet and legs too early in the race. By the time I got to mile nine my feet where so tired they hurt. I actually walked the last 5K. On the up side, hard races make me value the finisher medal a little more. I earned that sucker.

I started training with my new team this week. Team Mermaid has come to Sacramento and I couldn't be happier! It feels great to be apart of a team again. We did a short run and lower body work on Wednesday and today (Friday) we did a strength workout focusing on upper body. It was challenging but I felt like a rockstar when I got home.

Tomorrow I plan on taking my bike on the the American River bike trail for the first time. I'll go for 30 minutes out then 30 minutes back before spending the day with my honey. I have my third half marathon on Sunday, the Shamrock'n half. I'm excited for this one. I ran it last year and it was a lot of fun (even though I was in new shoes and my feet didn't have a good time). Wish me luck!

I'm in a funk

Yesterday's workout:

Lol, that didn't happen... Rest day


I'm writing this at 8 in the morning sitting on a pillow on the floor with a baby playing by my feet, a dog cuddling next to me, three kids on the other side of the carpet playing with blocks. Another kid is at the table eating and my other dog is standing under the table just I case a muffin crum falls her way. It's a typical morning.

As I'm sitting here it's hard not to notice the crazy amount of dog hair that's all over everything. And that reminds me of what a mess the hallway floor is, and the kitchen floor, and the bathroom floor, and the mounds of laundry that still need to be folded, and the mounds that have yet to be washed. I used to be on top of this stuff. My house was sparkling. My "messy" was other people's "tidy". I had a system and it worked for me. Every room was clean, the laundry was under control and I did it all on my own. Things are very different now.

The kids have gotten older and my husband and I decided they need some extra responsibilities and to contribute to the household. We started giving them each chores and making them responsible for their own laundry. Now my house is a complete disaster and nothing is ever clean. I need to get back to my routine but I can't seem to force myself to do what I know needs to be done. What's wrong with me? I'm not happy the way things are and I know how to fix it. So what's my issue? Why can't I just buckle down and do it? Please tell me that I'm not the only person going through this.

I guess I should put this away and clean something... But I really don't want to.

Mermaid Half Wrap-up

Yesterday's workout:
Treadmill: Warm up and alternating speeds
1.5 mi, 21 min
Stationary bike:
7 mi, 25:26

We turned my race weekend into a week long vacation. The day before my race we spent in Disneyland. I was worried that all that walking around would hurt my race but I don't think it did. We hadn't been to Disneyland since Sami was 5 and Nevyn was 2 so this trip was much different. We were joined by Jeremy's brother and two family friends. We had a ton of fun. In the shop outside Star Tours Nevyn found and fell in love with an Ewok backpack he named Alex and hat he name Zack. I don't remember the last time he loved a toy as much as he loves that backpack. He wore everywhere.

After leaving the park we drove down to San Diego, checked into the motel and had some diner then I soaked my foot in a cold tub in preparation for the race. I was nervous about the weather. California has had a very cold winter and all over the state we have been reaching record lows. Even in sunny San Diego. The day before, in Disneyland, we got caught in a hail storm... Thankfully the race gods were watching out for us ( or maybe it was the mermaids). The sun was shinning throughout the race and even though we had to run against the wind at some points, it was a beautiful day!

I had a few issues on the course but overall I feel really good about my run. I had some tummy troubles in the very beginning but thankfully this course was blessed with lots of port-a-potties. Yes, I said blessed. My first three miles were really rough but around mile three those good running feelings hit and it was smooth sailing. Until around nine a half miles. I drank too much water and felt a little sick. I made another pit stop and ate a z-bar. That helped a little but I was tired and had slowed down so it was nearly impossible to get back to the pace I had held through most of the course.

At the finish I was greeted by the biggest finish line crowed I had ever had. Jeremy and the kids where there as well as his brother, Daniel, our friends, Jimmy and Brittany, and one of my best friends from high school, Carolina and her daughter. That was really special. I wanted to finish in three hours but considering the tough start and feeling sick near the end I'm happy with my time. 3:15:17

My family and I stayed in SD for a few more days while the rest of our group headed back north. We explored SD and visited with Carolina who I hadn't seen since she moved there years ago. We visited the USS Midway (AWESOME!) went to Sea World, Balboa Park, Little Italy and downtown.

Our next stop on our So Cal tour was Indio ( east of Palm Springs) to visit Jimmy's grandmother. We have known her and Jimmy for close to 20 years and she has adopted us as part of her family. (Backstory: Jimmy was my friend in high school and Jeremy's friend from swim Team. we both met him separately around the same time. He introduced us to each other about sixteen years ago.) Our visit was very short but very nice. The kids really like her and Nevyn even gave her a hug, without prompting, when we left. If you know Nevyn than you understand how impressive that is.

My aunt got us reservations at a hotel in San Luis Obispo for our last couple of night in So Cal and on the way there we stopped by Disneyland for one more day of Disney magic. We went on a lot more rides, met a few more characters, including Sami's favorite-Belle. We made to SLO very late that night and feel asleep as soon as we hit those wonderful beds. Jeremy spent the next day doing homework so the kids and I went for a walk. A block away from the hotel there is a lake so we went exploring. It was sunny, warm and gorgeous. After lunch the kids played in the hotel pool. I think they really miss being in the water. Both of them are excited for swim team to start again.

Later in the day we drove 15 minutes to Pismo Beach. I loved it there! We walked down the beach to the pier and watched the surfers. I really loved the SLO part of the trip. The hills are green, the sky is blue and the air is clear. Everywhere you look you see hills and trees and you're only minutes from a beach. In my dreams I live there.

The drive back home was uneventful. The kids slept and Jeremy and I enjoyed the scenic drive. As we got closer to the valley and Sacramento the sky was less blue and the along the skyline we could see the brown smog cloud that looms over the city we call home. It's no wonder our first two mornings home we felt sick.

Looking back over the week, I can safely say that this was one of the best family vacations we have ever taken and we are planning on going back to SLO soon.

5 days till race 1 of 13

Workout:

Super Bowl 10K

Time: 1:25:50

Yesterday I ran the Super Bowl 10K as a way to force myself to get 6 miles in over the weekend. It took me longer than I really wanted but I have to remind myself that I've had a lot of set backs over the last two weeks. Let me fill you in on my recent hurdles.

1) Eye woes - Last summer I was scratched in the eye by one of my daycare kids. It took forever to heal and the doc warned me that if my eyes get too dry, the scratch could reopen, especially first thing in the morning. A couple of Thursdays ago, in the afternoon, my eyes where too dry (I guess) I blinked and the scratch reopened. The next day I saw my doctor and he confirmed that it was the same scratch. I was doomed to wear an eye patch tapped to my eye for the next few days.

2) Skin issues - The tape the doctor used to secure the eye patch to my face was plastic medical tape. I forgot that I have a latex allergy. Can you see where this going? When I took the patch off my skin was red, itchy and there were even a few sore where the tape had been. I even had a sty on each eye. 

3) Monster hand - I had, what I thought, was just a small clogged pore on my left hand. I get these ever now and then from the buckets of lotion I use on my dragon skin. I popped it and though that was the end of that. The next day I bumped into something while I was walking down the hall and it hurt my hand more than it should have. I looked at it and was shocked to see it was flaming red and hot to the touch. It was infected. I tried cleaning it out as much as I could but it continued to get more and more painful and at one point my had was about three times the size it should have been. I had to take my wedding ring off it was so swollen (the injury was near my thumb). I went into the doctor and was put on two antibiotics. The constant throbbing in my hand was torture.    

So I missed a lot of workouts and I knew I couldn't flake on my last weekend before my half. The 10K was a lot harder than I thought it would be. That makes me nervous for the half on Saturday. Send me good thoughts for race day. I think I'm going to need them.